I promise in advance that future posts will be more positive.
The image I have had of my core family has been shattered. That is sad.
I always thought it was me and my brother Allen against the world when I was younger. When I got married he proceeded to tell me it hasn't been that way in a while and it never will be and he didn't bother to come to my wedding! What a d!
Well duh! We are married and have a spouse to lean on but that doesn't mean you can become a hermit who never exercises your ability to communicate. Get a backbone. You are perfectly capable of making your own decisions and when we talk on the phone tell her to stuff a sock in her mouth so I can hear what YOU have to say. Nathan is not chirping on my shoulder the entire time I attempt to talk to you on the phone. Oh and by the way don't think I don't know that you choose to drive through Indianapolis to get to Chicago to see her family several thousand times a year. Am I bitter? YES. Out of all the times you claimed to have been drug up to see her family you not once took a stand and came to visit us. One would think you didn't want to.
Sooooo sorry that you couldn't afford to come to my wedding 8 hrs away when I offered to fly you here and Dad and Mick offered to let you ride with them at no cost to you. You agreed to be in the wedding butt monkey! It has been nearly 2 years and yes I let it go I wasn't even mad until.... I found out that even though nothing has changed in your financial picture you guys can afford to fly to the Bahama's and stay in an exclusive resort for her sisters wedding! Let us not miss that! You are right my dear brother things change and it never will be you and me against the world, ever again. So sad. The one who always protected me when I was little, who was not afraid to say "I love you" in front of his Air Force buddies, who said "I will always be here"... so sad.
And my other brother! Grrrr and Arrrr. What are you thinking? Take ownership for your own decisions and actions, stop blaming everybody else. You have two beautiful little girls, get your head out of your butt and be a dad. You have the potential to be an amazing father why won't you unleash that? And stop stirring up crap. If you hear something then let it go in one ear and out the other! It is not an invite to fuel the fire.
Father..... you never call. I call and you claim you have called but funny thing is I never have voice mails from you or missed calls. HUM..... how do you suppose that happens. Would it kill you to say "I love you"? Saying "me to" in response to "I love you daddy" DOES NOT COUNT! I repeat it DOES NOT COUNT! You are the only father I have. You meant the world to me but how many times can you proceed to let us down? Do you understand that every decision you have ever made has a butterfly effect or the spaghetti effect, one thing leads to another. Just be my dad, you don't have to be the hero anymore.
So if you have stuck with this whole rant I am sorry. It is poison that needs to be out of my system. You may be thinking I am a baby and I need to lay off. Maybe you are right. But garbage in garbage out. The longer it stays in the nastier it gets. And obviously I could not/ would not post all the details. I probably should not have posted what I did but it is out. Maybe I will start a healing process. There are two sides to every story so please keep that in mind. I know I have played a part in this whole process it is not entirely their fault.
I just remember when Nathan and I got together I was determined that we would have at LEAST 3 kids because I had 2 brothers and I couldn't fathom what it would have been like with out them. Don't get me wrong I had great times as a kid, times that I am sure I will always treasure. As the time nears for Nathan and I to start a family I am craving the family holidays and cookouts or game nights or just chill time that we used to have or that others have. It pains me to know that will never be on either side of our families.
"So suck it up and start your own traditions, nobody is perfect blah blah blah" yes yes I know and we will but it can't take place of what we are going to be missing with the family that we already have/had.
Looking back I realize that some things I thought/ remember never were and you can't make exist what never did and that is sad so sad.
5 comments:
It's so hard to accept when relationships dwindle, especially with family. To love them and hold them in your heart daily, but to never see their face or hear their voice. To feel them moving further from you and it seems they don't even care.
But you keep loving. You keep trying to make contact, and that's far more than what many people do, including myself.
And it's that persisting, unconditional love that not only makes you a great sister and daughter, but a good follower of Christ.
I've seen you be hurt, and still love so passionately. It's a hard thing for me to watch, but it is also very beautiful.
I'm sorry =[
Thumbs down to family members who just don't get it. And I do hope they read this. Maybe some of it'll sink in!
Keep standing on God's promises and he will be faithfull to you. Only God can change people from the inside out. I have learned that in my family. No matter how bad I want things to change, I know that ultimately it's in God's hands. Thank you for being so honest and I'm so sorry for the pain your feeling. I'm praying for you and your family.
Wow guys! I must say that even when things are down my peeps rock! Tonya it means so much to me what you said. Nate thanks for being my loving husband who puts up with so much. Cobiwonkanobi! Need I say more. And V thumbs down indeed.
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