My husband just dubbed me with a hanger.
He said "I now dub thee Queen of my heart"
AWWWW he is sooooo sweet.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Duck Tape EXTRAVAGANZA!
Tonight at the Teshuva we had a Duck Tape Extravaganza!
Totally awesome, you see Pink bought 50 NIV bibles for the youth to go mad crazy with multi colored duck tape on. And it worked. At the start of both the slam and crash I gave a brief "teaching of the tape" if you will and then they jumped in. The kids really got into it and had a blast! Our hope is that they will actually start bringing their bibles to youth. HINT HINT ;0)
Earlier in the day Nathan accompanied me to my family reunion picnic. *snooze fest* We had some good food but then it was like....."Now what? We don't really know these people!" HAHA... I know that we are supposed to get to know them at THE FAMILY REUNION but seriously!? We have nothing in common with these people except a FEW genes. So after a bit o time outside visiting with the ones we know Nate and I bolted to Youth. Sure we were an hour early but I was pretty content with chilling in the AC of my car. The longer I sat outside the more my allergies progressed. It wasn't long before I was talking through my nose (unavoidable) so the AC in my sweet Aztek hit the spot. No more pollen.
Then the DUCK TAPE EXTRAVAGANZA
Then we went to see Aaron and Melissa Black and BABY BRAYLON! YEAH! CONGRATULATIONS AARON, MELISSA AND AUDREY!! Baby Braylon is adorable and he has some fantastic hair and some cheeks!
When we got there Audrey said "Hey Kimmie" how simply cute! Then she promptly asked "Is that your bag? What's in it?" So I got to give her the good news that Nate and I brought them some snacks. Man o man I know how to score some points with the kids :0)
I had a proud moment when I was holding Braylon, he started to get fussy and I stood up and did the butt pat while swaying and he calmed right down.... you know this may be a sign that I may have some skills. :0)
Totally awesome, you see Pink bought 50 NIV bibles for the youth to go mad crazy with multi colored duck tape on. And it worked. At the start of both the slam and crash I gave a brief "teaching of the tape" if you will and then they jumped in. The kids really got into it and had a blast! Our hope is that they will actually start bringing their bibles to youth. HINT HINT ;0)
Earlier in the day Nathan accompanied me to my family reunion picnic. *snooze fest* We had some good food but then it was like....."Now what? We don't really know these people!" HAHA... I know that we are supposed to get to know them at THE FAMILY REUNION but seriously!? We have nothing in common with these people except a FEW genes. So after a bit o time outside visiting with the ones we know Nate and I bolted to Youth. Sure we were an hour early but I was pretty content with chilling in the AC of my car. The longer I sat outside the more my allergies progressed. It wasn't long before I was talking through my nose (unavoidable) so the AC in my sweet Aztek hit the spot. No more pollen.
Then the DUCK TAPE EXTRAVAGANZA
Then we went to see Aaron and Melissa Black and BABY BRAYLON! YEAH! CONGRATULATIONS AARON, MELISSA AND AUDREY!! Baby Braylon is adorable and he has some fantastic hair and some cheeks!
When we got there Audrey said "Hey Kimmie" how simply cute! Then she promptly asked "Is that your bag? What's in it?" So I got to give her the good news that Nate and I brought them some snacks. Man o man I know how to score some points with the kids :0)
I had a proud moment when I was holding Braylon, he started to get fussy and I stood up and did the butt pat while swaying and he calmed right down.... you know this may be a sign that I may have some skills. :0)
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
It's official
It's official... Summer is finally over.
1-The other morning I was on my way to my car and the air was actually chilly.
2- School Started
3- When I got out of class at 8:50 pm it was dark :0( I remember summer days, still daylight at 9:30 pm
4- People are staring to wear jackets and sweatshirts (weirdo's) ;0p
5- Summer clothing is now on the clearance rack
6-Tammy is pumped for some fall cooking
So school.... I think it is going to be good but please don't quote me on this, for you see later in the semester I may change my mind. I had GROUP PROCESS AND PRACTICES (How to Group Therapy) tonight. It is a small class. Eight people were signed up and only five of us showed up. We are all pretty laid back, except for one. THERE IS ALWAYS ONE! Tell me why? I really want to know. We were discussing with our teacher her grading scale. She says a 93-100 is an A. Ivy Techs grading scale is 90-100 is an A. So casually I bring it up and we engage in discussion. I showed her the syllabus from my Tuesday night class which clearly states Ivy Techs grading scale is 90 not 93. She said "Oh well I have been using this one for years I did not realize it changed"
`VOILA
So we all thought....
He decides to say that some of his professors use 93% "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH"
My thoughts are "So stinking what! This is not your other professors from years past this is 2008 and the grading scale is 90% not 93% She is going to make the switch so shut your piehole :0) Of course I did not say that and I should probably ask for forgiveness but COME ON! If it isn't broke DON'T FIX IT. Really what it boils down to is that he just likes to talk and be the center of attention. No I am not being mean, he admitted it.
One of those people that always has a comment on everything...yuck.
I did like the class, when she was teaching it was very informative.
I am still worried about my schedule though so please keep me in your prayers.
*side note he is a nice guy he just needs to relax and realize people can get to know him better if he stops trying so hard
P.s. have I ever told you guys how much I love the fall? Cuz I do!
1-The other morning I was on my way to my car and the air was actually chilly.
2- School Started
3- When I got out of class at 8:50 pm it was dark :0( I remember summer days, still daylight at 9:30 pm
4- People are staring to wear jackets and sweatshirts (weirdo's) ;0p
5- Summer clothing is now on the clearance rack
6-Tammy is pumped for some fall cooking
So school.... I think it is going to be good but please don't quote me on this, for you see later in the semester I may change my mind. I had GROUP PROCESS AND PRACTICES (How to Group Therapy) tonight. It is a small class. Eight people were signed up and only five of us showed up. We are all pretty laid back, except for one. THERE IS ALWAYS ONE! Tell me why? I really want to know. We were discussing with our teacher her grading scale. She says a 93-100 is an A. Ivy Techs grading scale is 90-100 is an A. So casually I bring it up and we engage in discussion. I showed her the syllabus from my Tuesday night class which clearly states Ivy Techs grading scale is 90 not 93. She said "Oh well I have been using this one for years I did not realize it changed"
`VOILA
So we all thought....
He decides to say that some of his professors use 93% "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH"
My thoughts are "So stinking what! This is not your other professors from years past this is 2008 and the grading scale is 90% not 93% She is going to make the switch so shut your piehole :0) Of course I did not say that and I should probably ask for forgiveness but COME ON! If it isn't broke DON'T FIX IT. Really what it boils down to is that he just likes to talk and be the center of attention. No I am not being mean, he admitted it.
One of those people that always has a comment on everything...yuck.
I did like the class, when she was teaching it was very informative.
I am still worried about my schedule though so please keep me in your prayers.
*side note he is a nice guy he just needs to relax and realize people can get to know him better if he stops trying so hard
P.s. have I ever told you guys how much I love the fall? Cuz I do!
Monday, August 25, 2008
Baptism anyone?
So Nathan and I have been enjoying FFC for 3 years now! Can you believe it?
The time has literally flown by. I love FFC and all the wonderful people I have grown closer to in these 3 years.
Now when we were little Nathan and I were both were baptized, but that was when we were little. So our first year at FFC I remember PK talking about the church picnic and baptism. I really wanted to proclaim my love and commitment to Jesus Christ but at the time I was still at a job that I had to work on Sunday's so I could not go that year.
Last year I think we were out of town....
This year we made it.
It was such a special moment for Nathan and I. I got to be baptized by PK who I consider a good friend and Pastor Jeff who I am growing closer to every week. As I was leaving the lake PK asked if I wanted to join Nathan for his baptism. So we headed back into the water together and then PK offered to let us do something he has never done before. He and Jeff baptized Nathan and I together. It truly was an unbelievable experience to get to share with my husband.
You see PK married Nathan and I on October 21, 2006 at FFC and he was the one to baptize us on August 24, 2008, maybe in 2010 he can do our baby dedication? I guess we will just have to wait and see ;0)
So I kind of feel like Nathan and I were married again by being baptized together. Thanks PK for another great ceremony!
The time has literally flown by. I love FFC and all the wonderful people I have grown closer to in these 3 years.
Now when we were little Nathan and I were both were baptized, but that was when we were little. So our first year at FFC I remember PK talking about the church picnic and baptism. I really wanted to proclaim my love and commitment to Jesus Christ but at the time I was still at a job that I had to work on Sunday's so I could not go that year.
Last year I think we were out of town....
This year we made it.
It was such a special moment for Nathan and I. I got to be baptized by PK who I consider a good friend and Pastor Jeff who I am growing closer to every week. As I was leaving the lake PK asked if I wanted to join Nathan for his baptism. So we headed back into the water together and then PK offered to let us do something he has never done before. He and Jeff baptized Nathan and I together. It truly was an unbelievable experience to get to share with my husband.
You see PK married Nathan and I on October 21, 2006 at FFC and he was the one to baptize us on August 24, 2008, maybe in 2010 he can do our baby dedication? I guess we will just have to wait and see ;0)
So I kind of feel like Nathan and I were married again by being baptized together. Thanks PK for another great ceremony!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
A Good day indeed
After some blogging time I logged online to pay bills since payday is tomorrow and don't ya know everyone I tried to pay does not need paid! Woohoo I paid them all last payday so it is a good day indeed
Yea! Skool!
So I went to Ivy Tech on my lunch break yesterday to meet with my advisor and 2 hours later I made it back to work!
I apparently am at the point in my schooling that it is getting harder for classes to be scheduled due to the fact that they are only offered during the day. Well I work at a bank and there is NO chance that they would let me have a few hours off one day a week for school. Nope sorry NO WAY. So it took awhile but we found 3 classes that I need that we could work into my work schedule.
I now have class Tuesday night, Wednesday Night and 1 online class. I was really bummed about the Wednesday night class since my Growth Group meets Wednesdays. It is only for 1 semester, it is only for 1 semester, it is only for 1 semester, it is only for 1 semester, it is......
Oh sorry I just have to keep reminding myself IT IS ONLY FOR 1 SEMESTER
I am only slightly freaking out about the 3 class thing. I know that a LOT of people have worked full time and went to school full time but last semester I did it with 2 classes and it was a handful with everything else but it is only for 1 semester.
So Behavior Modification, Intro to Psych, and Group something or another HERE I COME!
I apparently am at the point in my schooling that it is getting harder for classes to be scheduled due to the fact that they are only offered during the day. Well I work at a bank and there is NO chance that they would let me have a few hours off one day a week for school. Nope sorry NO WAY. So it took awhile but we found 3 classes that I need that we could work into my work schedule.
I now have class Tuesday night, Wednesday Night and 1 online class. I was really bummed about the Wednesday night class since my Growth Group meets Wednesdays. It is only for 1 semester, it is only for 1 semester, it is only for 1 semester, it is only for 1 semester, it is......
Oh sorry I just have to keep reminding myself IT IS ONLY FOR 1 SEMESTER
I am only slightly freaking out about the 3 class thing. I know that a LOT of people have worked full time and went to school full time but last semester I did it with 2 classes and it was a handful with everything else but it is only for 1 semester.
So Behavior Modification, Intro to Psych, and Group something or another HERE I COME!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Come on B!
B... I can't see your blog. Please fix this. I mean sure I haven't been faithful but come on! I will harass you tomorrow at Growth Group.
1st time for everything
So there is a first time for everything....
I have always had issues with letting things go, not in the sense that I can't drop an argument or can't forgive but in the sense that I harbor things on the inside. I worry about things I can not control or change. I don't focus on other people's problems or their potential to be better but just on me.
So there is a first time for everything. There is some "stuff" going on at work. I have a couple of opportunities and I was feeling really good about one. Almost a little too confident. Well I found out today that I have competition....*insert dramatic music here*
Normally I would freak about this and worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry .... you get the picture?
But this time I actually did what I should do, I took every opportunity I had and did the right things. The rest I am leaving up to God..... I KNOW RIGHT! I almost couldn't believe it either.
You see I was on lunch the other day and I thought about the situation and.....nothing.... yup nothing. I realized that the enormity of the situation was not bothering me in the least.
"How can this be? Our futures are on the line here?" but I handled it correct from the start by giving it to God.
You see I believe that when one door closes a few more open, Always a silver lining in EVERY cloud, When life gives you a lemon you make lemonade, Don't sweat the small stuff and well it is all small stuff, and the most important one Give it all to God, who's better to handle your problems?
So I did and no worries. It was as simple as that. What ever happens will happen and it will be Ok. God has a plan.
I have always had issues with letting things go, not in the sense that I can't drop an argument or can't forgive but in the sense that I harbor things on the inside. I worry about things I can not control or change. I don't focus on other people's problems or their potential to be better but just on me.
So there is a first time for everything. There is some "stuff" going on at work. I have a couple of opportunities and I was feeling really good about one. Almost a little too confident. Well I found out today that I have competition....*insert dramatic music here*
Normally I would freak about this and worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry .... you get the picture?
But this time I actually did what I should do, I took every opportunity I had and did the right things. The rest I am leaving up to God..... I KNOW RIGHT! I almost couldn't believe it either.
You see I was on lunch the other day and I thought about the situation and.....nothing.... yup nothing. I realized that the enormity of the situation was not bothering me in the least.
"How can this be? Our futures are on the line here?" but I handled it correct from the start by giving it to God.
You see I believe that when one door closes a few more open, Always a silver lining in EVERY cloud, When life gives you a lemon you make lemonade, Don't sweat the small stuff and well it is all small stuff, and the most important one Give it all to God, who's better to handle your problems?
So I did and no worries. It was as simple as that. What ever happens will happen and it will be Ok. God has a plan.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
New Addition to the family!
Nathan and I had a very relaxing day. The first one in a long long time. It seems that we always have something to do. We finally moseyed out of the apartment around 7 p.m. We went to Pet Smart and used our Scrip card we bought for there. We were very wise shoppers tonight. We had $25 to spend. Our current fish "Kitty" is large and in charge, we recently upgraded his tank to a bigger size but we have yet to purchase any friends to keep him company since he is so large we thought it would be nice for him to have some room to him self. Well since we have been busy we have neglected his tank for a bit. I have 2 magnetic scrappers and can not find either one so tonight we bought a new magnetic scraper with a fancy handle and a bubble stone that is round and super sweet to liven up his environment and a new friend for him. We were worried about kitty eating a new fish since Kitty is so LARGE. The pet smart guy said "Well it is possible you just have to try it and see" So I picked out a cute goldfish that is white with bits of orange and we brought him home. Throw in a jug of cat nip and we still have $1.52 left on our card.
I get home and clean and spruce up the tank with the new additions while letting the new fish adjust to the tank temp in his bag. Kitty was fine he never showed any signs of aggression to the new kid. So after a bit, hoping I was not going to be an accomplice to murder, I released "Fido" in the tank. It was touch and go for a minute as kitty was getting to know Fido. His mouth is bigger than Fido. But they are getting along splendidly. We will see in the morning if we still have a new addition to the family or if he disappears!?!? I did feed Kitty first just in case.....
To give some of you an idea of the size of Kitty and Fido
Kitty is bigger than a cash bill like a $5 and Fido is smaller than a quarter! Here's a picture, notice the itty bitty fish in the background that would be the new addition Fido!
I get home and clean and spruce up the tank with the new additions while letting the new fish adjust to the tank temp in his bag. Kitty was fine he never showed any signs of aggression to the new kid. So after a bit, hoping I was not going to be an accomplice to murder, I released "Fido" in the tank. It was touch and go for a minute as kitty was getting to know Fido. His mouth is bigger than Fido. But they are getting along splendidly. We will see in the morning if we still have a new addition to the family or if he disappears!?!? I did feed Kitty first just in case.....
To give some of you an idea of the size of Kitty and Fido
Kitty is bigger than a cash bill like a $5 and Fido is smaller than a quarter! Here's a picture, notice the itty bitty fish in the background that would be the new addition Fido!
Friday, August 15, 2008
Random -vs-
Shout out to Cari Lott
So here are some random thoughts
Bar soap -vs- Body Wash Body Wash
Bar Soap gives me the squeaky clean feeling and sound however it is harder to use with the bath pouf thingy and I like the pretty colors
Body lotion -vs- Body Cream Body Cream
I feel lotion breaks down to easily I like the "creaminess" of the cream
Bottled Water -vs- Tap Water Bottled Water
Need I say more? Ok... there are Amoeba's in Tap Water
Rice Milk -vs- Regular Moo Cow Milk Rice Milk
There is no harming of Moo Cow's in the making of Rice Dream and it has a nice vanilla twist
Ketchup -vs- Mustard Mustard
Ketchup is only good in a mild dose on McDonald's fries and ONLY when they are hot
Old Skool Dental Floss -vs- Reach Dental Floss Reach Dental Floss
I have a child's size mouth (literally) and reach well.... Reaches!
Socks -vs- Barefoot SOCKS
Naked feet rarely occur on me Socks are in my top two favorite things
Figuring out a video game while playing -vs- Letting your husband beat it and talk you through it Letting my husband talk me through a game he has already beaten
Some games are just hard and it takes the frustration out of it for me if the expert has already mastered it *Note* this is not on all games
Going to the movies -vs- Renting Movies Going to the Movies
Newer, better sound, out of the house
Blogging -vs- twittering Blogging
Twittering cost me $57 last month OOOPS!
Swimming pool -vs- Ocean Swimming Pool
It is safer and in most cases cleaner but for viewing and sound purposes Ocean all the way
Hot -vs- Cold Cold
I like hot weather however I like wherever I am at inside to be 66*
Soup -vs- Stew Stew
Stew just screams hardy
So here are some random thoughts
Bar soap -vs- Body Wash Body Wash
Bar Soap gives me the squeaky clean feeling and sound however it is harder to use with the bath pouf thingy and I like the pretty colors
Body lotion -vs- Body Cream Body Cream
I feel lotion breaks down to easily I like the "creaminess" of the cream
Bottled Water -vs- Tap Water Bottled Water
Need I say more? Ok... there are Amoeba's in Tap Water
Rice Milk -vs- Regular Moo Cow Milk Rice Milk
There is no harming of Moo Cow's in the making of Rice Dream and it has a nice vanilla twist
Ketchup -vs- Mustard Mustard
Ketchup is only good in a mild dose on McDonald's fries and ONLY when they are hot
Old Skool Dental Floss -vs- Reach Dental Floss Reach Dental Floss
I have a child's size mouth (literally) and reach well.... Reaches!
Socks -vs- Barefoot SOCKS
Naked feet rarely occur on me Socks are in my top two favorite things
Figuring out a video game while playing -vs- Letting your husband beat it and talk you through it Letting my husband talk me through a game he has already beaten
Some games are just hard and it takes the frustration out of it for me if the expert has already mastered it *Note* this is not on all games
Going to the movies -vs- Renting Movies Going to the Movies
Newer, better sound, out of the house
Blogging -vs- twittering Blogging
Twittering cost me $57 last month OOOPS!
Swimming pool -vs- Ocean Swimming Pool
It is safer and in most cases cleaner but for viewing and sound purposes Ocean all the way
Hot -vs- Cold Cold
I like hot weather however I like wherever I am at inside to be 66*
Soup -vs- Stew Stew
Stew just screams hardy
Friday, August 08, 2008
AWESOME AND SUA-WEEEEET!
Totally Awesome, fantastic Awesome, Outrageously Awesome, FFC Awesome concert!
If you didn't go then you missed izout! I LOVE Secondhand and now added to my list is Fate of
Angels. Did I mention it was AWESOME. Good times Good Music (rock and roll in a church!) Good
people Awesome fun. I am so very blessed to be a part of this totally awesome church. You ROCK
FFC keep it up!
If you didn't go then you missed izout! I LOVE Secondhand and now added to my list is Fate of
Angels. Did I mention it was AWESOME. Good times Good Music (rock and roll in a church!) Good
people Awesome fun. I am so very blessed to be a part of this totally awesome church. You ROCK
FFC keep it up!
Thursday, August 07, 2008
*smile*
I just wrote our compassion child -Brigida- online. It was such an amazing thing to open the mailbox and get our first letter from her. I felt that I loved her after reading the first letter. How is this possible? God, that is how.
Nathan and I started out that day saying "No we just can't afford $32.00 a month" but when Shaun Groves was singing I looked at Nate and he looked at me and we raised our hand to receive a packet, and boy did Margy give us a good one.
Brigida is 6 and she is adorable! She has the most beautiful carmel skin and dark hair and she was standing with her hands on her hips looking a little sassy! I looked at Nate and we both had tears in our eyes, I think we might have fell in love with her that minute. Nate told me she looked like she belonged to me with that sass! He is right, I believe when I was 4 my dad took a picture of me in almost that exact same pose!
It took us awhile but I think after writing this first letter and seeing how easy it was to do online Brigida can look forward to many letters from us in the future!
If you do not sponsor a child you really should think about it. It is one of the more rewarding things I have done.
Nathan and I started out that day saying "No we just can't afford $32.00 a month" but when Shaun Groves was singing I looked at Nate and he looked at me and we raised our hand to receive a packet, and boy did Margy give us a good one.
Brigida is 6 and she is adorable! She has the most beautiful carmel skin and dark hair and she was standing with her hands on her hips looking a little sassy! I looked at Nate and we both had tears in our eyes, I think we might have fell in love with her that minute. Nate told me she looked like she belonged to me with that sass! He is right, I believe when I was 4 my dad took a picture of me in almost that exact same pose!
It took us awhile but I think after writing this first letter and seeing how easy it was to do online Brigida can look forward to many letters from us in the future!
If you do not sponsor a child you really should think about it. It is one of the more rewarding things I have done.
This is a rant about Shattered Images
I promise in advance that future posts will be more positive.
The image I have had of my core family has been shattered. That is sad.
I always thought it was me and my brother Allen against the world when I was younger. When I got married he proceeded to tell me it hasn't been that way in a while and it never will be and he didn't bother to come to my wedding! What a d!
Well duh! We are married and have a spouse to lean on but that doesn't mean you can become a hermit who never exercises your ability to communicate. Get a backbone. You are perfectly capable of making your own decisions and when we talk on the phone tell her to stuff a sock in her mouth so I can hear what YOU have to say. Nathan is not chirping on my shoulder the entire time I attempt to talk to you on the phone. Oh and by the way don't think I don't know that you choose to drive through Indianapolis to get to Chicago to see her family several thousand times a year. Am I bitter? YES. Out of all the times you claimed to have been drug up to see her family you not once took a stand and came to visit us. One would think you didn't want to.
Sooooo sorry that you couldn't afford to come to my wedding 8 hrs away when I offered to fly you here and Dad and Mick offered to let you ride with them at no cost to you. You agreed to be in the wedding butt monkey! It has been nearly 2 years and yes I let it go I wasn't even mad until.... I found out that even though nothing has changed in your financial picture you guys can afford to fly to the Bahama's and stay in an exclusive resort for her sisters wedding! Let us not miss that! You are right my dear brother things change and it never will be you and me against the world, ever again. So sad. The one who always protected me when I was little, who was not afraid to say "I love you" in front of his Air Force buddies, who said "I will always be here"... so sad.
And my other brother! Grrrr and Arrrr. What are you thinking? Take ownership for your own decisions and actions, stop blaming everybody else. You have two beautiful little girls, get your head out of your butt and be a dad. You have the potential to be an amazing father why won't you unleash that? And stop stirring up crap. If you hear something then let it go in one ear and out the other! It is not an invite to fuel the fire.
Father..... you never call. I call and you claim you have called but funny thing is I never have voice mails from you or missed calls. HUM..... how do you suppose that happens. Would it kill you to say "I love you"? Saying "me to" in response to "I love you daddy" DOES NOT COUNT! I repeat it DOES NOT COUNT! You are the only father I have. You meant the world to me but how many times can you proceed to let us down? Do you understand that every decision you have ever made has a butterfly effect or the spaghetti effect, one thing leads to another. Just be my dad, you don't have to be the hero anymore.
So if you have stuck with this whole rant I am sorry. It is poison that needs to be out of my system. You may be thinking I am a baby and I need to lay off. Maybe you are right. But garbage in garbage out. The longer it stays in the nastier it gets. And obviously I could not/ would not post all the details. I probably should not have posted what I did but it is out. Maybe I will start a healing process. There are two sides to every story so please keep that in mind. I know I have played a part in this whole process it is not entirely their fault.
I just remember when Nathan and I got together I was determined that we would have at LEAST 3 kids because I had 2 brothers and I couldn't fathom what it would have been like with out them. Don't get me wrong I had great times as a kid, times that I am sure I will always treasure. As the time nears for Nathan and I to start a family I am craving the family holidays and cookouts or game nights or just chill time that we used to have or that others have. It pains me to know that will never be on either side of our families.
"So suck it up and start your own traditions, nobody is perfect blah blah blah" yes yes I know and we will but it can't take place of what we are going to be missing with the family that we already have/had.
Looking back I realize that some things I thought/ remember never were and you can't make exist what never did and that is sad so sad.
The image I have had of my core family has been shattered. That is sad.
I always thought it was me and my brother Allen against the world when I was younger. When I got married he proceeded to tell me it hasn't been that way in a while and it never will be and he didn't bother to come to my wedding! What a d!
Well duh! We are married and have a spouse to lean on but that doesn't mean you can become a hermit who never exercises your ability to communicate. Get a backbone. You are perfectly capable of making your own decisions and when we talk on the phone tell her to stuff a sock in her mouth so I can hear what YOU have to say. Nathan is not chirping on my shoulder the entire time I attempt to talk to you on the phone. Oh and by the way don't think I don't know that you choose to drive through Indianapolis to get to Chicago to see her family several thousand times a year. Am I bitter? YES. Out of all the times you claimed to have been drug up to see her family you not once took a stand and came to visit us. One would think you didn't want to.
Sooooo sorry that you couldn't afford to come to my wedding 8 hrs away when I offered to fly you here and Dad and Mick offered to let you ride with them at no cost to you. You agreed to be in the wedding butt monkey! It has been nearly 2 years and yes I let it go I wasn't even mad until.... I found out that even though nothing has changed in your financial picture you guys can afford to fly to the Bahama's and stay in an exclusive resort for her sisters wedding! Let us not miss that! You are right my dear brother things change and it never will be you and me against the world, ever again. So sad. The one who always protected me when I was little, who was not afraid to say "I love you" in front of his Air Force buddies, who said "I will always be here"... so sad.
And my other brother! Grrrr and Arrrr. What are you thinking? Take ownership for your own decisions and actions, stop blaming everybody else. You have two beautiful little girls, get your head out of your butt and be a dad. You have the potential to be an amazing father why won't you unleash that? And stop stirring up crap. If you hear something then let it go in one ear and out the other! It is not an invite to fuel the fire.
Father..... you never call. I call and you claim you have called but funny thing is I never have voice mails from you or missed calls. HUM..... how do you suppose that happens. Would it kill you to say "I love you"? Saying "me to" in response to "I love you daddy" DOES NOT COUNT! I repeat it DOES NOT COUNT! You are the only father I have. You meant the world to me but how many times can you proceed to let us down? Do you understand that every decision you have ever made has a butterfly effect or the spaghetti effect, one thing leads to another. Just be my dad, you don't have to be the hero anymore.
So if you have stuck with this whole rant I am sorry. It is poison that needs to be out of my system. You may be thinking I am a baby and I need to lay off. Maybe you are right. But garbage in garbage out. The longer it stays in the nastier it gets. And obviously I could not/ would not post all the details. I probably should not have posted what I did but it is out. Maybe I will start a healing process. There are two sides to every story so please keep that in mind. I know I have played a part in this whole process it is not entirely their fault.
I just remember when Nathan and I got together I was determined that we would have at LEAST 3 kids because I had 2 brothers and I couldn't fathom what it would have been like with out them. Don't get me wrong I had great times as a kid, times that I am sure I will always treasure. As the time nears for Nathan and I to start a family I am craving the family holidays and cookouts or game nights or just chill time that we used to have or that others have. It pains me to know that will never be on either side of our families.
"So suck it up and start your own traditions, nobody is perfect blah blah blah" yes yes I know and we will but it can't take place of what we are going to be missing with the family that we already have/had.
Looking back I realize that some things I thought/ remember never were and you can't make exist what never did and that is sad so sad.
Whirlwind!
So I was locked out of Gmail/Blogger for the longest time. It just acted like it did not recognize me! Wut up g? *heehee* and my niece's were here they are 8 and 9 so they kept our hands full for two weeks! And life just took over, now it is time to register for school and work is WOW! So many decisions so little time!
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