Rated R for violent content

I woke up today out of a dream about my very best friend Marva. It was a really sad dream. I went back to the prosecutors office to demand some answers, get on the list to be notified in the event Justin has a release trial, and see the crime scene pictures. *In reality I do need to go there and get on the list and get some answers but I don't think they would show me the pics* The first thing I got to see was a picture of Marva just laying there with her mouth open. She wasn't swollen or abused just laying there with her mouth open. It took my breath away literally! The prosecutor asked me if I was alright and I couldn't answer him, I tried but I couldn't get it to come out, eventually I whispered "I'll be fine I just need a minute" but they gave me some pictures to look at that they had collected for evidence. They were pictures of Marva when she was little, I am not sure how they got them because she was taken away from her mom at the tender age of 3 and bounced from foster care to children's home the rest of her underage life. So I looked at them and was angry.... where were these people now? So it was time for me to start looking at the crime scene pictures again and my alarm went off.
One of the reasons it was so weird was because I haven't dreamed about my beloved friend in awhile and I was kind of awake while I was dreaming. When I woke up I wasn't sad or overwhelmed but I couldn't breathe. I talked to Nathan about it and he said that he had a dream about Marva as well. I went on my way to work and then broke down in the car. It was uncontrollable.
When I got to work I told my assistant manager what was going on so she would know what was going on and not have to have the awkward "How ya feeling today" conversation, she pointed out that the situation the other night with my Peep may have brought it all back.
BING! *That's the sound of a light coming on*
So I took a break from the bank and ran through the rain to drive to Wal-Marts parking lot and cry hysterically and call my support, she did a great job of calming me down. I had a heavy feeling in my chest and I literally was having trouble breathing, I woke up that way and it steadily got worse. Anxiety attack anyone?

It scares me

What, why, I was doing so good.
Is God trying to help me out? Give me the reminder so I can do what I need to do for others? Is Marva trying to let me know something is going on? Is Justin getting ready to get out because he is such a good boy in jail?

I know I should just turn it over to God and say "Guide me" but what if he is and I am not seeing it? What then? Is this my sign? Is there something I should be doing but am gravely missing?

I often think of Marva, well a lot. I miss her so very much. I used to cry and say "I know it is selfish but I just want her back" but now I am doing better she is much better off and why would she ever even think of leaving paradise with our loving heavenly father to come back to Earth, filled with despair? I know she loved me as much as I loved her but still, I wouldn't come back. I would be saving a seat in heaven for her.
So that is what I like to think, that when it is my time to go she will be there waiting with God for me. Open arms. Hopefully she is taking care of my loved Peadad until I'm there too.


After work I went to JMe's and we worked on MoCash's baby shower, *side note, it is going to rock* and then on the way home I almost ran over and killed a man.
NO JOKE
I was driving on St. Rd. 32 (the 32 as Pink would say) when this joker on a motorcycle cut me off. I passed him as he was getting ready to leave the parking lot of the Winchester bowling alley he pulled out into the middle lane and then got even with me while still riding in the center (turn) lane then he decides he is going to cut me off. He does NOT signal but just starts to get in my lane. His back tire was even with my front tire, so really he wasn't even cutting me off but trying to run me off the road. I swerved into the grass in front of what is now an empty Radio Shack and did a BIG curb check. Luckily I had my wits about me or he would have hit my tire and his bike would have swung into the front of my car and I would have ran over him and his crummy bike but since I was totally in control of my wits I swerved (not too much mind you) and missed an electric pole and only took out some grass and a bit o curb. When I slammed on my brakes my tires squealed and then he looked back! WHAT A LOSER! He kept on going. No helmet, leather, gloves, boots, nothing. Drink much did ya buddy? Have another!
I don't know if you have ever actually came close to running somebody over but it was one of the scariest things in my life. I have had plenty of car wrecks NOT A SINGLE ONE MY FAULT EITHER! SCOUTS HONOR! but to actually come close to mortally injuring or even just running them over is a nightmare. All the blood rushed to my brain when I tensed up so I drove the rest of the way home with a pounding headache! Just an FYI we were the only 2 people on the road and I was in my lane driving the speed limit! I'M JUST SAYING PEOPLE, I'M JUST SAYING...
And here I am blogging about it all, WHAT A DAY WHAT A DAY!