Oh Blog...

Why do I abandon you for such long periods of time?

Why do I not really care if I talk to you for awhile?

Why do I not want to spill my guts to you to "empty" my emotional system daily?

Why are you just not that important to me?

I mean I seriously like you but you just ask so much out of me as a friend...

But I thank you for giving me a break...

I appreciate how you always listen to me ramble, cry, get angry, feel righteous, explode, share...

I like that you don't hound me to "let it all out", sometimes keeping it in feels good...

Thanks for understanding that other things are more important than you most days...

Ok, Ok, Ok you talked me into it sheesh you are just so understanding I guess I can't avoid you forever!

Sigh of relief or a groan of despair?

Finals week is officially over!
Do I sigh with relief
or
do
I
Groan with despair?

I missed some important events this week, I canceled an evening out with a friend, I fell asleep 4 different times while finishing a final paper (I finally went to bed) so I'm sure the paper is great until the last page then it probably has a bunch of random misspelled cow jumped over the moon mumbo jumbo.. that does not in ANY way relate to the class...
I took my last final and just picked random answers instead of taking the time to look them up. I got a 32 out of 100...
That last bit is not normal behavior for me. I currently have a 4.0 and I like it, but I can kiss that goodbye this semester.
I can't complain because I still passed my classes. I was doing well enough in my last class that I didn't care if I bombed the test.
So I took a walk on the "wild" side and didn't do the responsible thing for the last final but JIMMY CRACK CORN AND I DON'T CARE!
I wish I had more hours this week so I could have supported everyone I needed to, socialized with the people who wanted me too, been the wife I usually am, been the student I usually am but my conclusion is if we had more hours in the day we would be required to work more hours too ;0p

So I sigh with relief because hell week is over but I groan in despair because I was a bit of a slacker and didn't live up to my full potential. But really the groan is just a weensy groan.

You found what?????

So we had to drill some safe deposit boxes today and usually they are empty and people just didn't return the keys, well four out of the seven we drilled had stuff in them. All had papers, ya know the basics: birth certificate, savings bonds, receipts for important stuff, will's, deeds, etc. except one. One in particular was very heavy. I handled it with care and opened it up to find guns. 4 guns! A SMITH AND WESSON 357 magnum, a 9 mm, a 45 and some itty bitty girly gun. The really cool one was the SW 357. This gun was huge!
Thankfully I got to shoot some various guns about two weeks ago and one was a hand gun so I was not nearly as nervous around these as I could have been. I am not claiming to be a gun expert but if you had never held one you wouldn't want to be handling any strange guns. So I followed proper gun safety and didn't point them at anyone.... and I bagged them and tagged them.

Marva, I am so weak!

So we are coming up on your 3 year anniversary of you partying in Heaven with JC. It still sucks and hurts and I miss you and I still cry and I am selfish. Yes I know you are singing glory right now but I need you, I want you here with me. I miss being able to just stop by your house whenever or calling you when some great injustice has occurred and your brutal honesty with me when I'm being a spoiled brat. I miss the comfortable silence we could have, I miss your pork chops and ranch tatoes! I miss your laugh, your smile, your gorgeous hair, I miss your awesome best friend advice and your cat lady sweater :0) I miss your son.
I haven't seen Jackson since late summer/early fall of 2008. Sharon picked him up for their weekend and she offered to meet us at Ihop and then Burris playground so we could spend some time with him. He had no clue who we were. Me... his aunt kimmykat and Nathan his uncle Nate. We are nobodies to him now.
You have to believe that we fought for custody. The lawyer said that he could dig up all sorts of junk on Justin's parents but he followed that up with "How much money do you have?" We had only been married 3 months and had ZERO funds. The card was maxed out on our wedding and no one would give us a loan for that amount of money with no collateral and we sho didn't have anything worth that much. He then closed with letting us know that in Indiana unless you had a will stating you wanted us to have custody it would be a battle that we probably, more than likely wouldn't win. We showed him the journal where you stated we were Jackson's God Parents but Indiana does not recognize God Parents.
Indiana also didn't remove Justin's parental rights since he didn't abuse Jackson. Apparently abusing the mother isn't enough for them to remove custodial rights. Justin signed his rights over to Owen and Sally. They haven't changed, they still suck, major!
1 by 1 they fell
June passed away
Owen passed away
Vinney passed away
but I'm sure that their student teacher aka your sorry replacement is still around.
We tried so hard to stay in touch with Jackson but I am weak Marva. I couldn't stomach being in their house, watching them pretend like everything was fine, listening to them tell me how well Justin is doing in prison and how he has figured out how to get around the system on some things, and when they started trying to convince me that it was all your fault and Justin couldn't help it, I had to quit!
They went so far as to send Chrissy to my work with pictures of Jackson asking me to come and visit because they missed me but it was just a ploy. As she was leaving she asked me to testify in court so Don and Sharron couldn't get visitation. She had the balls to say "You know Marva wouldn't want this"
I replied with "You guys haven't gave a crap about what Marva wanted" or something close to that.
Sharron kept telling us that we could come up on their weekends but they only get him every other weekend and they live practically 3 hours away. You know them.
It has been well over a year now since we have seen Jackson or Sally. It is the anniversary month of your murder. On Monday night I woke with an anxiety attack because in my nightmare Justin got out of jail and I didn't know and he just showed up at my house.
That's one of my biggest fears ya know...he gets out and I don't know and run in to him somewhere. I'm just not sure what is going on with me because I don't dream about you, Justin, Jackson or that situation.
When we put up the tree you would have been so proud of me. I found your ornament and I didn't breakdown not even once. God was with me, I got tears in my eyes but they didn't overflow.
So it's been an emotional month. I didn't even realize how much it was affecting me until someone asked me how I was doing, because they know what happened.
Tonight I had to run errands on the icy streets. I went to Morrison to pick up something, then to CVS close to Fazolis, then to Marsh on Walnut and I parked where I never park since the parking lot was icy. As I was getting ready to get out I froze because I saw Sally. Ironically she was donating money to a bell ringer. I couldn't get out of my car I was just stuck. Then she came out and got in a truck with Jackson in the back and what appeared to be a man in the passenger side. Man!??? What the crap? So I need to call tomorrow and make sure that Justin didn't get released. Sure he only got 25 years but he is eligible for parole in half the time and because Indiana is lame, he automatically got 2 years off of his sentence for good behavior so he has been in for going on 3 and he really only has to serve 9 but with overcrowding in the jails, you just never know. They don't look at voluntary man slaughter as harshly as murder. He murdered you but they settled so the prosecutor would get another "win" since elections were coming up and Justin got voluntary man slaughter. Indiana laws blow!
So 20 feet away from Jackson and he has no clue who I am. There is a hole in my heart, God can fill it but I'm not sure if he hasn't because he needs me to use it for something to glorify him or if I haven't let him.... IDK MY BFF!
Emotion overload this week. I love you and selfishly miss you. I am so sorry that I was too weak to continue. I should have fought harder for Jackson or sucked it up and pretended like I could stand those vile people but I couldn't....because I'm weak. I am so sorry my friend.

Keymology

I follow Christ

I adore socks and pillows

I've never met a Cadillac that I liked

I believe you can only have 1 best friend

I am completely silent in the mornings

I NEVER wear pajamas outside of my bed

I set my alarm for odd ball times like 8:03 or 7:49 never on the 5's or an even number

I heart going to the movies

Halloween is my favorite holiday and no I do not love satan or evil

I am an animal rights advocate

I am a licensed cosmetologist

I often over volunteer my time

I want a penguin and an elephant

I met the love of my life at 15 & married him at 23

Abby's Candles in grape are da bomb

Mmmmmmm Mexican food

I have a skinny girl fighting to get out of me

I wanna be the kind of mom that when my kids randomly bring home other kids I never have to say "We don't have enough"

Still a Backstreet Boys fan

I have pet a shark

I want an outside shower

I may or may not be an innocent car wreck expert

I have elves on my Christmas tree ladder

Mittens make me smile

I can't wear anything other than Burt's Bees on my lips or they explode

I am way emotional

I have a fear of failure

I am afraid of the dark

I have ophidiophobia

Alfred Angelo Fuchsia & Black were our wedding colors

I have 2 brothers

I'm a born and raised Army brat

Food textures creep me out

I prefer the bed to be made before I get in it

I believe it should always snow on Christmas Eve and Christmas

I love to sing

I fell in love with Ireland

I have a 9yr old massive carnival gold fish named Kitty

I prefer to be cold

I love the wind

I've learned the hard way that you should always answer your phone if you can

I have too many purses and shoes

The best games of all time involve the Super Mario Brothers

I'm not scared of new adventures

I get kankles when I fly :0/

I am a slight germ-a-phobe

My all time favorite past time is reading

Open Mouth, Insert Foot...

Have you ever said something then went "Uh...wait a minute, that is NOT what I meant"

We are in Chicago visiting -V- and we have been friends for so long that we have many many phrases that we say and others don't understand. Sometimes it is just a random quote from a movie like "Let's brew another batch" from Hocus Pocus or "Bam" IDK what that is even from.

As we were walking out of her apartment door tonight for fun and adventure I said "When we get back it is time for us to make some baby magic"

Then when we hit the hallway I thought "Um... I hope no body heard that"

It really doesn't mean what one would assume.

Back when Nathan and I lived in our town house and -V- lived across the grass she would often come over and we would play Mario Kart Double Dash.
In MKDD you can be baby Mario and baby Luigi. I was always baby Luigi and -V- was always baby Mario. We would pick the baby buggy as our car and kick some major butt. We won the entire game and thus we referred to it as "BABY MAGIC"

Since Nate and I knew we were coming up to visit we brought MKDD. As we were leaving -V-'s place I was trying to indicate that we needed to play MKDD and only Nate and -V- knew what I meant by "When we get back we need to make some baby magic"

Thankfully nobody saw or heard the three of us leave her apartment!

We had a baby!

A face only a mother could love!

3 Generations of Harris Women

At least I think my new demon possessed baby is a girl...

We wanted to buy this awesome Halloween decoration but passed, it was almost $50! Oh well it was cool to play with.

Pet Peeve (sp)

I loathe it when people yawn while talking on the phone.

Hello Rude much!?!

If you can't keep it in and it just keeps coming out please excuse your self from the phone conversation and call someone back!

ugh

That is all

My relationship with God....sometimes

"There For You" by Flyleaf

Sometimes I'm a selfish fake
You're always a true friend
I don't deserve you
'Cause I'm not there for you
Please forgive me again

I wanna be there for you
Someone you can come to
Runs deeper than my bones
I wanna be there for you
I wanna be there for you

Swirling shades of blue
Slow dancing in your eyes
The sun kisses the earth
And I hush my urge to cry

I wanna be there for you
Someone you can come to
Runs deeper than my bones
I wanna be there for you
I wanna be there for you

'Cause I hear the whispered words
In your masterpiece beautiful
You speak the unspeakable through
I love you too

I wanna be there for you
Someone you can come to

I wanna be there for you
And be someone you can come to
The love runs deeper than my bones
I wanna be there for you

I so kicked her butt

So I have went head to head with the gym two times now. So far I have won both battles. Muhahahaha victory is mine!
This skinny chick was next to me on the bikes and I was sooooo kicking her butt. I just happened to notice that her effort level was set to level 3 and mine was at 5 BAM! Now what. (You gotta say this all sassy cuz it really aint a question...you feel me) I was not spying on her either I was just looking around to avoid looking at the timer on the bike because I might loathe the bike and I honestly believe that the timer is slower because I hate it. 1 minute is really like 3 minutes! Watch out people watch out! And no she wasn't on it for an extended period of time so its not like she was kicking butt or anything. I believe that she is working on trimming her thighs. Flat stomach big thighs....if only I were so lucky :0p

HiiiiiiYAAA!

So it seems to me that Satan is in full force battle mode. He is attacking a lot of my friends right now. I was under attack last week and now it seems to be all the people around me. WHAT IN THE WORLD?!
God must be brewing up a big pot of.... well you get my drift, so Satan has to retialate. Well I say "Hiiiiiiya" and karate chop him in the _________________________ (fill in the blank)
So yeah Satan is a jerk-face and to that I say YOU SUCK SIR!

Oh My!

HA....or something like that....Right?

Lets go back in time shall we?
A few years ago someone who we thought was becoming a friend of ours started spreading a vicious lie about Nathan and I. Of course it got back to us and it hurt. We made a few mistakes *side note Not anything major just a few little mistakes financially* and after we became Christ followers we decided to handle our situation the way God tells us to in the Bible. Well this person twisted our situation all around and made it 1 billion times worse than what it really was and made us look like big nasty losers. I never shared with that person how much their lie hurt us. I am a super emotional person and I think that the wound was too fresh to be able to handle it in a loving manner. I had enough dirt on this person to spread truths to hurt them but I didn't. Instead of being nasty and vicious back we chose to start distancing ourselves from them.
Lets jump back to present time eh?
I talked to this person today and KAZAM they are now in the same situation Nathan and I were in a few years ago (with a few differences). Now you see my mind and heart don't always operate on the same accord. In my mind I thought HA...OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT....RIGHT? but in my heart I was feeling pain for them. The situation they are in sucks there is nothing good about it. Logically I wanted to be like JUSTICE IS SERVED! WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND! NAN-E NAN-E BOO BOO! But my heart took over my brain and those thoughts were fleeting thoughts that I don't think I really had at the moment. I believe they were more of an after thought like "Hey shouldn't I have been all like BAM IN YO FACE"
I hurt for them, I have and will pray for them because learning from your mistakes just sucks sometimes and no one should get joy from watching you go through it.
So God has transformed me from the inside out (I'm still working on the outside part but you get my drift)
This post isn't about me, it is about God and the marvelous work he has and is doing!
I praise you God for all that you are and for loving me even when I suck.

Boring!

So I just finished my World Geography assignment and let me tell you I feel smart.
I had to read a pro side and a con side to the unification of Europe and then weigh in with my opinion. It is really boring so feel free to not read it but I felt smart after posting this. You should have read some of the others... I'm just saying. Below is my post.

I believe that you can look at this several ways. As noted on page 67 uniting all of the countries would take the currency from many to just one. A united Europe with one currency would bring in a lot more money with tourists. I for one would probably visit other European countries instead of picking one and sticking to it my entire vacation. It is such a hassle exchanging currency not to mention the money I lose when doing that. The lost money is money that I could have spent on goods in the different countries. I would like to think that if more people spent more money in a “united Europe” then that would boost their economy. While this is just one good point to have the United State of Europe I must say that I disagree with them uniting.

In just looking at the pros and cons I feel that the cons far out weigh the pros.

To start with not every country is on the same page religiously. Pages 62 and 63 talk about the immigration Europe is facing. With so many Muslims now becoming involved with Europe it would never be feasible to try and have one major religion. Page 63 states that many men unskilled and uncompetitive in EU get involved in petty crime or the drug trade and end up harassed by the police, they turn to their faith for solace and reassurance. How are they going to feel if they are ostracized for their faith?

While some of the smaller countries may benefit from getting assistance the larger countries are going to be footing the bill. The bigger you are the harder you fall. I imagine that the larger countries have made a much larger deficit in their budget in an attempt to sustain and better their situation and are going to need all the money they can get to bail themselves out. Who would get to decide where the money goes and how it is spent. Unification would be a major change and not one that could happen over night.

The next issue I see is the language barrier. Page 58 points out that the 590 million people speak numerous languages and not all of them are mutually understandable. It also raises a good question of how is one determined as the “official” language. School curriculum would have to change; the new official language would need to be required. Attempting to get the entire country speaking the same language I believe would take more than a few decades. The old faithfuls who would hold on the the “old” ways would have to die off and I think it would take a few generations before their influence disappeared and the new “norm” actually became the accepted norm.

In my opinion there would be far too many people who would be feeling suppressed and controlled to have the European unification to be anywhere successful. The statement on page 67 “...ultimate goal….the creation of a federal United States of Europe, a worthy competitor and countervailing force in a world dominated by another federation, the United States of America”

That is a scary statement. If that is their ultimate goal, to compete with the USA, then I feel that they are not ready for unification. Their focus should be to better the lives of their people not to be able to dominate who they think is their biggest competitor.

New Widget & 69 days!!!

Wooohoooo I am sooooo excited about my New Moon count down widget! I decided to delete the movie trailer, I mean sure I thoroughly enjoy watching the NM trailer every stinking time I get on my blog but I am sure that some of you out there make a sound of displeasure when you hear it... you freaks :0)
I originally wanted a NM count down widget but all they had was the trailer widgets so I took what I could get. But yesterday on Stephenie Meyer's official website they released this widget. So needless to say I now have it.
*Sigh*
Only 69 more days until NEW MOON!
And you are welcome. I am glad I could provide you with the information you most certainly need because everyone in the world should know how long they have to wait for NM!

Technology!

We are having a Mexican food carry in tomorrow at work and I signed up to take in 2lbs of taco meat. On my way home at 9pm tonight I remembered that I only had 1lb of hamburger thawed out. I stopped by Marsh to grab another pound and when I made it to the check out the cashier was talking to a woman about her receipt. She looked up at me with out a greeting and walked away with the woman. I thought "OOOOOOk I probably would have said I will be right with you but what ev I will just glance at the magazines until she gets back" Since it was kinda of late she was the only cashier. When she came back she started ringing up my purchases, I went back to the actual check out line and gave her my Marsh card. My bill went from $27 to $12! Wooohooo for my Marsh discount card. I laid my phone down to get out my debit card, below is what happened next:
Cashier: "Is that a CELL PHONE with a CAMERA?" while leaning down inspecting it in awe.
Me: I paused for a moment thinking "Don't all cell phones have camera's now???" and "Is she serious?" Oh my friends she was VERY serious. I said "Yeah it is"
Cashier: "That is WEIRD!" as in I can't believe that there is a cell phone with a camera in it!
Me: In my thought bubble "What rock has she been under?" I really wanted to say something like "I know right! It is amazing what kinds of things they can do with technology theseadays, I mean what will they think of next.... maybe the INTERNET on cell phones or the ability to play music on cell phones!"
I didn't really say any of those things but I did kinda think them :0)
Shame Shame Shame on me!

You suck!

Yes that is right You suck! That is basically what my boss told me today.
I think from the minute I walked in the door today I must have had a sign on my face that said "Please attack me emotionally today, I enjoy it!"
With in the first 3 minutes she jumped on me and stayed there until she left for lunch. She even made me cry... (gasp and insert dramatic music here bom bom boooommm)
I sometimes cry easily however NOT a work.
Long story short: I made a teller mad and she retaliated which gave my boss the ammo she needed to pull attention away from herself. In the conversation she said "I can't coach you on your personality you have to change that yourself, your personality stinks and it needs to change"
That is worse than hearing "You are not doing you job"
I mean my personality....really??
What was really heartbreaking is that I try to be Christ like all the time especially at work because it is such a spiritual battle field and I really really really try to bleed God's love on others with out being a Bible Thumper and today after she said that I thought "What am I doing? Obviously not God's work if this is how it turns out" so I was distraught.
Tonight my good friend MO as she is listed in my phone called and we chatted for 30 minutes which is HUGH for us because neither of us really like talking on the phone that much.
She said that Satan is attacking where he can and if he can just get me to shut up he will succeed in his efforts.
BING! A light bulb came on over my head.
That is exactly what I was going to do.
IDIOT! (You must say this drawn out and in Renn's voice)
I was going to let the prince of darkness win. I was feeling so low that I thought I will just keep my mouth shut and say the bare minimum to everyone from now on.
The teller that retaliated against me was a teller I just recently wrote a recommendation letter for and surprise she received a scholarship for school because of it and I also spent countless hours on the phone and multiple emails trying to find her a paid internship at ONB which I did! So it really hurt that she would be such a witch.
At last because of my great friends who all love God, I will be heading to the battle field again tomorrow fighting battles for God's glory and wearing his armor.

Galatians 5:21-23 (NIV) ²²But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Ephesians 6: 14-17 ¹⁴Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

BAM! TAKE THAT SATAN!
As my good friend PK would say "KICK SATAN IN THE COOKIES!

Warning! Family Reunion. You may judge me on this...

I had the "privilege" of getting to attend our family reunion today. I try to go every year with my mom because it is her side of the family. At this reunion each family unit or single adult brings a dish or several and also they bring their own plates/silverware and drinks. Today someone asked what dish I brought. I looked at them and said "I didn't (insert pause here), I am a married adult and live in my own home, until I start receiving my own invitation (like I'm not a kid anymore) I count my mom's food as mine."
Then I realized that I didn't have a drink so I made a quick run to the Village Pantry to grab some soda and decided to pick up some cheese puffs. That's right folks I brought CHEESE PUFFS to the family reunion. Never say I don't participate!

As I was at the family reunion I looked around and realized that I am not really related to these people. I mean they are like from a different planet. I promise you there was an entire family of mullets there today. I rest my case!

There are approximately 6 people from my "extended family" that I see on a pretty regular basis so I don't need to attend the family reunion to catch up with them. The others.... I don't really want to know.
I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW judge all you want but are you attending family reunions to make sure that you keep in touch with ALL of your family. Let us just be honest folks, there are some family members that when people ask you if you are related to them you respond with "Why?" This should not be a normal response but it is!!!!!
So one of my classy and cool family members said "This is why no one ever gets to know anyone, we always sit with our click" my response "I'm ok with that"

There it is people, my brutal honesty. I am a firm believer that you sometimes have to create family. Yeah Yeah Yeah family is important and all that but sometimes you get the crap pot if you will. I refuse to pretend to be happy to see people once a year that I don't even know their name, they don't know mine and we are all ok with it. This isn't a one way street here.
So this is why I have a lot of acquaintances but am very picky about my core friends. You know the people you are REAL friends with not just the niceties on Sunday but the actual "What's new in your life and I really mean it because I care about you?"
And did you read about the mullets???

Lunch Date with another Man!?!?!?

That's right people, I had a lunch date with a man that is NOT my husband today.

It was lunch with the wonderful 2 year old Mr. Isaiah. I mean really have you taken a look at him? He is handsome, blond, big eyed, sensitive, full of conversation, and absolutely adorable!

I can't help it people this guy has got my heart wrapped around his little fingers ( I mean that literally. His fingers are tiny he is only 2)!

So look out Nate... I love you hunny but Isaiah is irresistible and he has carved out a spot in my heart for himself.

His wonderful mom joined us as well! Tacos = yum!

Facebook is screwing with me!

So I was on facebook last night when I saw an advertisement for Midnight Sun. For those of you who are not Twihards:
1st let me just say "What are you thinking? You are soooo missing out!" but whatever I am not judging... much.
2nd is some back ground info.
Stephenie Meyers wrote the amazing Twilight Saga. There are currently 4 books in the series: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn.
She was in the process of writing a 5th book titled Midnight Sun when someone leaked it. She knew who it was because she gave out different copies to a few different people so it wasn't hard to figure out who the jerk was. Stephenie was so upset that she decided in August 2008 that she was not going to finish the book at this time.
*Shed a tear, it is ok*
She later confirmed that she would finish the book however she was not putting a date on it.
I am a hardcore twihard so I often check her website for updates.

Flash forward....

I was on facebook last night and on the side bar there was an advertisement for a contest to win a copy of Midnight Sun!

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! How could I not know about this? I mean me... a twifanatic!?!?!? My heart rate increased and I was super excited at the prospect of Midnight Sun being so close.

HEY Don't you dare judge me!

I went to www.stepheniemyer.com to get the scoop. BIG BUST. There was no mention of Midnight Sun anywhere.

Stupid Facebook it was just screwing with me.